Roots and Fruits: Discipleship as an Effective Tool for Abuse Prevention
Nick Stumbo serves as Director of Church Relations and Partnerships for Pure Desire Ministries, leading efforts to help individuals and churches experience healing and freedom. A third-generation pastor, Nick holds a Bachelor of Science in Pastoral Studies from Crown College and a Master of Divinity from Bethel University. He is also a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP).
Nick is an accomplished author and co-author of three books: Setting Us Free; Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame; and Hope, Healing and Freedom. He speaks nationally on sexual health, addiction recovery, and building grace-filled communities, equipping leaders and clinical professionals to facilitate lasting transformation. He and his wife, Michelle, have four children and live in Nashville, TN.
When I was a young first-time homeowner, I planted a couple of apple trees. Little did I know that I had planted them in the low spot of my backyard. Every time a Washington rain storm would pass through, a small pool of water would settle around the base of those young trees.
While I possess many talents like perseverance and hard work, horticulture is not among them. So I did what I could to help those trees yield good fruit- I fertilized and pruned; I treated them for bugs and disease; I watered them regularly (during the rare dry times we would get in the Pacific Northwest). However, with my limited knowledge of soils and stormwater drainage, I never addressed the root problem of the poor, wet soil. So, as you might have already guessed, year after year I reaped a harvest of sub-par, smaller-than-average fruit in a part of the country known for great apples.
I wanted better fruits but I didn’t take the time to develop the knowledge that would address the roots. This illustration is an appropriate representation ofthe modern church when we look at the impact of sexual abuse among the people of God.
We want better fruit- we truly want to prevent all forms of abuse and to keep people safe, both young and old. And so, with the best of intentions, we set out to create safe spaces for our gatherings by instituting policies like two-adults-to-one-child, background-checked volunteers only, bathroom stalls with locking doors, and separate male/female spaces at camps and retreats. All of these measures, and many more like them, are right, healthy, and good. But none of these measures address the roots of the problem; namely, misaligned and sinful sexual desires being acted out by those who remain immature and untrained in their sexuality.
In Matthew 7:17&18, Jesus says that, “A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit.” Jesus clarifies for us that the behaviors we see are truly the outcome of our roots.
For so many Christians, the roots of their sexuality go down into the soil of shame, secrecy, and unaddressed wounds that continue to lead them into a sinful way of behaving. We can screen our volunteers until we know their blood-type and the color of socks they wear, but if we don’t address the deficient model of sexuality they were handed, we will continue to see bad fruit like sexual abuse in our churches.
The apostle Paul said, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me11.” Those who perpetuate sexual abuse are most often men still behaving like a child, giving in to their impulses regardless of the impact on others. What difference might it make if we could help them mature into the fullness of how God designed their brains, bodies and sexuality to work?
What if we focused more on discipleship; maturing our young men and women into the wholeness and truth of their God-given sexuality? To disciple someone means we actively train them in the ways of Christ. We understand the need for discipleship through the lens of spirituality, relationships and even our finances. But do we recognize and embrace the need to offer sexual discipleshipTM2 within our churches? How are men and women being trained to honor Christ in and through their sexuality? Too often, we outsource this challenging topic to our schools, or we hope that parents will do this work at home. The reality is, however, that most parents and schools are ill-equipped to provide sexual discipleship on this level because they have never received it themselves!
Not only can we do this, it is already happening. How so, you might ask? That’s a great question. Here are ways we are seeing churches rise up to this challenge:
- Equipping parents to create a culture of grace and conversation in the home.
- Creating safe spaces- small groups- within the church discipleship plan for men and women who are struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors.
- Sharing testimonies of life change and freedom, specifically naming this area in humility and honesty. Victory is multiplied when people hear the honest truth about how someone else is finding freedom.
- Teaching regularly on the goodness of God’s design for sexuality, so that sex no longer feels like the taboo topic in church.
The good news is that Pure Desire can help in all of these areas. We are seeing Churches be are being proactive to equip men, women and parents to thrive in their God-given sexuality, and then equipping them to pass this maturity on to others. Through programs like Pure Desire Ministries’s Parent Training Course and The Youth Leader Library, sexuality is being brought into alignment with God’s heart for us, and God’s people are walking in wholeness. When this happens, abuse in the church begins to disappear.
So, yes, create all the policies to reduce the risk in your church. After all, pruning and fertilizing an apple tree is always good. But go after discipleship. Help people mature in their thinking and behaving sexually. Because when the roots are good, the beautiful fruit of wisdom- and safety- will follow.
Journey on, my friends- Nick Stumbo, MDiv., PSAP, Pure Desire Ministries.
- 1 Corinthians 13:11, NIV ↩︎
- Sexual Discipleship is a phrase coined by my colleague and friend, Dr. Juli Slattery of Authentic Intimacy ↩︎
- Abuse helpline provides support for victims, guidance for pastors
NASHVILLE (BP) – Reporting an allegation of abuse in a church can be confusing, even intimidating. “It’s still difficult for a lot of people, and there is a hesitancy to report,” said Manny Keyser, a pastor of Parkwood Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Fla., and executive director of the Evangelical Council for Abuse Prevention (ECAP). “People need to act faster. They may be afraid they’ll make a report that’s not right, but we remind them we’re not investigators. We’re not the police or judges. We are people who want to report allegations so those things can be taken care of and vetted out.” - Roots and Fruits: Discipleship as an Effective Tool for Abuse Prevention
When I was a young first-time homeowner, I planted a couple of apple trees. Little did I know that I had planted them in the low spot of my backyard. Every time a Washington rain storm would pass through, a small pool of water would settle around the base of those young trees. While I possess many talents like perseverance and hard work, horticulture is not among them. So I did what I could to help those trees yield good fruit- I fertilized and pruned; I treated them for bugs and disease; I watered them regularly (during the rare dry times we would get in the Pacific Northwest). However, with my limited knowledge of soils and stormwater drainage, I never addressed the root problem of the poor, wet soil. - Careful Grace: Integrating Offenders and Violent Criminals into Church
One of the most frequent questions we receive from churches and ministry leaders is about integrating offenders into church. They wonder “Should we do it,” and “What are best practices as we carefully consider protection and stewardship.” We as pastors and ministry leaders know first hand that God is in the business of changing lives. No one, not even the worst of society’s criminals and offenders, is too far from the grace of God and the gospel. We know that the Lord can work in anyone’s life to bring redemption and salvation.