Loving the Vulnerable with Your Actions
Tom Stolle is the executive director of the Baptist Convention of Maryland/Delaware. Stolle began serving the BCM/D as comptroller in 2004 and has held the positions of chief operating officer, director of human resources, associate executive director, chief financial officer and interim executive director. He met his wife Shelley through mutual friends, and they were married in 1990. They have three adult sons, Jordan Thomas (J.T.), Jake and Jimmy. As Stolle prepared to work with the BCM/D as Chief Financial Officer, he and Shelley discovered their young son, Jimmy, had severe, life-altering, family-changing intellectual disabilities. Over the years, Stolle openly shared his and Shelley’s struggles as they loved and cared for Jimmy, often with tears and emotional and physical scars. His candid openness touched many hearts. He became passionate about assisting churches in starting and strengthening their disability ministries, and that passion became a catalyst for BCM/D’s current emphasis on disability ministry.
Sexual assault is an epidemic in America. Per Rape & Incest National Network (RAINN), every 68 seconds an American is sexually assaulted, and every 9 minutes, that victim is a child. That should get your attention! It’s horrifying. It’s evil.
For me, this issue is personal. As a parent of a young man affected by developmental and intellectual disabilities, I know my son is extremely vulnerable. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to protect him. And what I learned from my research shook me to my core.
Per National Public Radio (NPR), individuals affected by intellectual disabilities are sexually assaulted at seven times the rate of people without disabilities. Additionally, per the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape, more than 90 percent of individuals affected by developmental disabilities will experience sexual abuse in their lifetime, and 49 percent will experience ten or more abusive incidents.
For individuals like my son, the statistics paint a grim picture. It’s not a matter of “if” for him. It’s a matter of “when.” It’s not one child every nine minutes. It’s much worse. It’s much more frequent. Keep in mind that while my son is physically an adult, mentally, he will always be a child.
To adequately consider the scope of this issue, consider that there were approximately 8.4 million people affected by an intellectual or developmental disability in the United States in 2020. I believe Jesus wants these individuals to know Him and to know He loves them.
Like many individuals affected by these types of disabilities, my son is compliant. He is dependent on caregivers and others who provide support, and he can be easily taken advantage of by a perpetrator. For individuals like my son, the church must not ignore this reality.
How can the church say, “Everyone is welcome,” but not put safeguards in place to protect the vulnerable? How can the church say, “Jesus loves you,” but not put policies and procedures in place to protect the vulnerable? If a child or a vulnerable adult is abused in church, even though that person has been told they are loved, they may conclude in their own mind that God hates them. To go to the house of God and to be abused is one of the vilest forms of evil.
Jesus said in Mark 9:42 (ESV), “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.”
Jesus is saying that a person would be better off dead than causing a child to sin.
Failure to protect the vulnerable in the church and the resulting abuse can easily drive these children away from Jesus. Saying we love them must be more than empty words. The words must be evidenced by action.
My son gets excited when he goes to church. He has men who care for him, protect him, and share the Gospel with him. Policies and procedures are put in place to protect him. They say they love him; their actions prove they do. There is consistency. There is protection. He can experience the love of Jesus for himself in the ways he is able.
I am asking the churches to examine their policies and procedures and prioritize protecting the vulnerable by developing and maintaining them.
Love must be backed up by action. Jesus made no empty promises. Neither should His church.
Let’s love well! Let’s prove our love in our actions! Amen!
- Safeguards for Churches
Southern Baptists are a force for good – I have been inspired by Dr. Jeff Iorg’s common refrain as I have traveled with him and met Southern Baptist leaders. For more than 100 years, Southern Baptists have been a force for good throughout the U.S. and around the globe. We could spotlight the work of the North American Mission Board and Send Relief in responding to disasters and the work of International Mission Board missionaries involved in all sorts of mercy ministry in faraway places. - Rotten Fruit: Sexual Sin in Culture
Sometimes life gets busy. Too busy to even take a piece of fruit for a quick snack when running out the door. This can have a negative effect when we purchase fruit for a healthy snack then let too much time go by and that fruit can deteriorate and turn from being something delicious and nourishing to something moldy, slimy and stinky. - Loving the Vulnerable with Your Actions
Sexual assault is an epidemic in America. Per Rape & Incest National Network (RAINN), every 68 seconds an American is sexually assaulted, and every 9 minutes, that victim is a child. That should get your attention! It’s horrifying. It’s evil. For me, this issue is personal. As a parent of a young man affected by developmental and intellectual disabilities, I know my son is extremely vulnerable. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to protect him. And what I learned from my research shook me to my core. - Safeguarding the Vulnerable: Why Canadian Churches Must Prioritize Abuse Prevention
In recent years, the Canadian Church has come under increased scrutiny regarding its response to allegations of child abuse and clergy sexual misconduct. These incidents are not only morally reprehensible and spiritually devastating—they also carry serious legal and financial implications. Churches are entrusted with the care of the most vulnerable among us. To honour that trust and walk in obedience to Christ, it is imperative that churches in Canada implement strong safeguarding protocols. - Suggested Best Practices for Use of the DOB and SSN in Searching for Criminal Records
Screening and training of childcare workers is a must for any child- and youth-serving organization. Parents entrust our organizations with the care of their children, so we have a responsibility to be diligent in discerning who has access to those children. If our ministries are to be safe places for kids to hear the gospel, and we are to be good stewards of the lives entrusted to our care, then child safety cannot be an afterthought or “bonus” feature of our programming. It must be central. A rigorous screening process would include an application, reference checks, interview, and background check. Every staff member and volunteer who will work with children should be screened according to these measures. But it’s not enough to initiate the screening process – the materials returned for each applicant must be reviewed for yellow flags that warrant a follow-up conversation or red flags that may disqualify them from service with children.